Daydreaming

I’ve decided I do this entirely too much but I have absolutely no intention of stopping. When you have a job that is boring, such is mine, then you need something to think about whilst running reports and entering applications and fixing people’s log in problems. BORING. I was chatting with my gal Katie yesterday about just that. Sometimes I think work is the most pointless, utterly useless thing I could possibly do with my day.  And I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve not really enjoyed a single one of my paying jobs. Not a single one. I’ve enjoyed people I’ve worked with—they make it bearable. Probably the best was working with Dawn at Pro Staff. She made it seem like not so much work. But as far as the actual job. Yeah…not so much. All my jobs have started off okay. Then I get restless, bored and then miserable. I’m in the restless stage right now of my new job—and I’ve only been just over 8 months!! That’s sad.

 

I want to be one of those people who can get up in the morning and say I LOVE what I do. I was in training two weeks ago at an all-day Microsoft Excel class—the trainer got up there and was so excited and said several times how much she loves what she does. Yes I know that in every position or career one has there will be challenging days—but overall to say you LOVE what you do? That’s awesome! What bothers me and scares me and annoys me about my situation is that I have absolutely no idea what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life. I don’t know if I’ve missed some sign from the Lord about my calling or I’m already seeing that sign yet dismissing it or what. Or perhaps it hasn’t arrived yet. Katie suggested perhaps I’ll get my sign through one of these jobs. That could be the case—but truthfully the idea of sitting at a desk the remainder of my working life—another 30 plus years is depressing and horrendous and wrinkly. Yes, wrinkly. It makes me scrunch up my brow. Which is bad—I do not want premature wrinkles—which is vain but who cares? J

 

Anywhoo—daydreaming—I can’t help but think about what I’d do if I could suddenly quit my job without reservation (Lottery anyone?) and travel and just try out different things. Just give anything and everything a try until I figure out what I love. I don’t even have a hobby really. I love to read, but I don’t really consider that a hobby—just a love. I love to dance—but that’s an expensive hobby and not one on which I could feasibly support 3 dogs and a potentially unemployed boyfriend.  I think about the travel that I would do and the shopping and the volunteering. I’d love to build a habitat for humanity house and go to Honduras again and learn more languages.

 

And then I think about all of this and I know I’m being absolutely ridiculous, I know this—I am so incredibly blessed. Blessed beyond belief that I have a job that pays the bills and gives me just a teeny bit left over to by a new pair of shoes every once and a while or a fabulous new red velvet lamp shade—didn’t know it was velvet when I bought it but I love, love love it in my bedroom. I have a sexy bedroom now. Oh I love it. And I have twinkle lights around my bed. Just makes me want to spend all sorts of time there! J

 

Wow…I digress majorly. Anyway I’m blessed. I say that with an absolutely full heart and I mean it.  God has truly provided for me in ways I could never have imagined. I have a nice apartment and a nice car and warm clothes and more than enough food to eat. And I have a job. I think about AJ and my heart just worries for him about this possible lay-off—not that he won’t find something else, I know he will—and not that he won’t be provided for because he has savings and if worse comes to absolute worse worse worse, then he knows I’ll be the sugar momma for a while. But my worry for him is the worry he feels—the anxiety he feels and the stress of the unknown. I’m so grateful I do not have that worry of my own.

 

But I daydream regardless. Maybe it makes me a hypocrite, I don’t know. But I believe there is something better for me than sitting at a cubicle all day running reports and answering phones and doing other people’s menial tasks. This is a job that many people would love to have. So I feel rather selfish for wanting more for myself. But patience is a virtue—and good things come to those who wait but also for those that make things happen. I just have to be patient for my opportunity then seize it. But I am completely open and amenable to suggestions in the meantime.  

~ by asmith609 on February 3, 2009.